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September 02, 2004
Seriously, don't read this, it's really fucking stupid.
So I was driving home, and I was listening to track 20 on my FLCL Addict soundtrack (I don't know what it's called) on repeat very loudly (my ears are actually still ringing...). Anyway, like I tend to do, I set it as background music to something. Here's what I came up with kinda spontaneously in my weird way...
I was in a restaurant with a steak knife... I was wearing all white, but splattered in blood. I'd killed couple waitresses. Essner, Layne, and Bucchiet walked in on this. Essner said something along the lines of "Matthew, what the hell did you do?"
And I went "It's Alex thanks... I got tired of them calling me 'sir.'"
"What?!?!?"
"I'm so fucking ugly... this whole thing is so stupid... life is so stupid... I'm fucking tired of it... I think I'll try death... would you like to join me? Could be fun."
"Matthew..."
"IT'S ALEX!"
And then I think some sort of battle started.
I just wonder why I carried out the plot as far as I did. I always tend to come up with plots where I'm the bad guy and all of my friends are trying to stop me, and often in them I'm fanatical about things finally getting to be my way, even though something really fucked up has happened because of it, and I'm not able to give it up. I also spent some time thinking about me and my friends, and deciding that I'm probably the most likely to murder someone and the most likely to take my own life. That doesn't mean I'm going to. Hell no. But I'm the most likely to. I can really see myself snapping at some point. But I'm a wuss, so it would probably only lead to a bunch of crying.
I really shouldn't post this. Nobody reads my blog, but because I'm posting this, I bet someone will read it. Fuckers, only reading it when I post something that I probably shouldn't share. Asses. *sighs*
Seriously, why am I posting this? It'll either be creepy, or come off as an over-dramatic plea for help, or whatever. So stupid. I'm stupid.
I hate this. I hate me. Fuck.
Posted by poetfox at September 2, 2004 10:44 PM
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