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October 14, 2005
Burning and Lifelong Goals. And Kittens. (Not really, but the post could probably use some)
So I do the Fedora download and I'm burning the first ISO to disk and I pull out the laptop and... the screen is cracked now. I don't know how the fuck that happened, as it's just been sitting on the shelf for who the fuck knows how long. But the laptop is pretty useless now. It's unfortunate. Laptop, we barely knew ye. We barely knew ye either, CD-R I wasted burning the first Fedora CD...
When I get nervous, I mean like genuinely nervous not like antsy or shy, I get very, very sick to my stomach. I don't understand why this occurs, really. But it does, and it's really inconvenient. I remember having to run from the room and throwing up once when Natalie was visiting me down here. It was bad. In any case, I have such a strong reaction to being nervous or scared, and that is why I try to coast through life as best I can, at least for now. I'm obviously not very effective as I often still get this way, but, I dunno, perhaps that would explain some of my actions sometimes.
I want a family. A bigger family than the one I have now, and one I don't have to hide anything from. I want to suddenly come into possession of a big house. And I want to say to everyone I know "Hey, I have this huge house. Wanna live there?" and they will go "Fuck yeah, I'd love to live there!" and we'd all live there and there would always be someone to have a deep discussion with and there would always be someone to act retarded with and my friends would bring their friends and they would bring in their friends and it would just be a wonderful way to live, and that's how I want to live. But close online people I can talk to and understand live here and there and everywhere and have lives, and people who live around here I can't always be myself around because I care too much, and where am I going to get the money for a huge fucking house anyway much less everything else I need money for... The one thing I want to do with my life seems so much more simple than so many other dreams and yet so much more unlikely. I should probably just, you know, focus on moving out first, with someone to snuggle with (preferably Brer, obviously. ^_^) and such... yeah... Yeah...
Anyway, I guess I'll go and stuffs...? I dunno... Guess I should... yeah...
Posted by poetfox at October 14, 2005 02:39 AM
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