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October 13, 2004

Three Parter - Web Serial/Therapy/Magic Minidraft

I've been thinking about my idea of a web serial again... It would probably just be based in the blog format (Aka I'd just be making another Moveable Type blog so that I don't have to figure out how to actually make a decently laid out webpage... heh... I barely know how to work and modify this thing, but it's certianly become more me than when Droid made it up for me, and I really enjoy having it... I owe Droid alot, heh...) but I'd write until I got tired of it (or something!) every day of a story or maybe multiple stories, and every so often, when I got done with a Chapter, I'd collect the entries into a Chapter and post it as one big Word file. It's an interesting concept, and honestly, I think it would be fun to do. I don't stretch my creative muscles enough without having a reason, and that would give me a reason. I have at least 4 solid to quasisolid stoires set up in my head I could work on. Heh.
I'm actually starting to get really nervous about the idea of seeing a shinkprofessionaltherapistperson. I think it's because I'm not "distressed" or "disturbed" or something, really. I'm just me. I used to be about this. I really did. But I'm past that. I came to terms with it, I figured out what I had to do, and I promised myself that it'll happen. The only times I get depressed or distressed over it anymore is, honestly, when I have to tell someone, when something triggers a "You're crazy, you'll never be a woman" thought in my brain, or when I feel like I'm not understood because of it. And really, since I surround myself with people who understand me, I don't feel depressed about it much anymore. I know someday people will be using female pronouns to describe me, and that's enough to let me enjoy life as it is right now. Playing Magic really isn't dependent on whether I'm a boy or girl, nor is most of the silly stuff I do. Sure, I'd like to do more "girly" things that I really feel like I can't do, but eh, they'll happen, and the wait will just make them more fun, honestly.
What I was trying to get at was I'm really calm about this. I know what I want, and my daily life doesn't make me scream "AHHHHHHHH! I am so TRAPPED! I NEED OUT!" and I almost feel like an idiot just going and asking for help about it, cause I seem pretty adjusted, I think (If I don't, let me know, cause I'd like to know why you think so... heh...), and I feel like that will make it really hard to describe why I feel like I do.
Of course, it could go the other way, and that calm be cause to believe me more. I really don't know. I really don't know what to expect, which is, of course, why I worry.
I did find the name of two (I would hope) qualified people in the St. Louis area... I would have felt more comfortable if they had had a website or an e-mail addy for me to contact them with, but I suppose the internet can only get me so far this time and I'll have to call them the old fashion way and set up an appointment... heh... There's also supposedly this St. Louis Gender League thingy or something up there. I think it would make me more nervous than anything to go to anything they do, and I don't think I'd get anything out of it, but at least I know it's there, I suppose.
On the Magic front, we did a minidraft last night. I reeeealy liked my deck, and, honestly, I think it was the strongest, although all four decks did pretty well. My deck was basically all Spirits and Arcane, and it had great synergy because of it and I was proud to make it. I was also proud that I switched to Black/Green near the end of the 3rd pack and into the 4th (We did 4 packs cause there were only 4 people and that would give us a stronger card selection. Heh.) instead of Black/White, because the two Kami of the Hunt I ganked up were the true beatdown of my deck, since they were pretty well 3/3s every turn, because, as I said, almost every spell (Besides some just plain good cards like Nezumi Cutthroat and Rag Dealer) was a spirit or an Arcane spell. Backed up by a Kami of the Waning Moon, I was doing some pretty good beats, and He Who Hungers was just that much better when I could sac anything with his ability although, honestly, he didn't get drawn much and when he did only really got used as a flyer. Heh.
Long story short, though, I got second because Spaeth's deck had THREE Kitsune Riftwalkers, and my all-spirit-and-arcane extravaganza couldn't handle them. His flyers didn't hurt his path to victoly, either. Heh.
Whee, that was long. Later.

Posted by poetfox at October 13, 2004 01:50 PM

Comments

Well, I'm really happy to see you ajusting to the newer set of circumstances you have to deal with. I hope that these professionals you have to see will help you out like everyone else has so far; I think that they will see you as I do and come to the same conclusion; that what you feel isn't just some mental problem, and needs to be followed up on.

Also... I look back through your posts from earlier, and I see a sudden, pleasant shift away from stress and anxiousness to a more calm happy you... And that makes me happy as well. Good luck to you love; I'll see you again soon!

Posted by: DracosBlackwing at October 13, 2004 02:41 PM

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